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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Took Control

Take I took control of this life of mine that has gotten me tied to a computer.  I got up this morning and jumped right onto the computer.  I stopped and said to myself..what are you doing.  Get up off your ass and do something constructive.  You say you want to live..well you aint going to do it on the computer. 

So I got up off my ass, cleaned my entire home, made an awesome dinner, Helped my daughter get ready for a party, took care of a sick husband, and settled my son in to watch a movie.  And you know what...I felt better about myself.  I really did.

I slept good last night, and had energy to do something today.  I feel like I took control of what I wanted to do.  I like it!

B

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Little Things

Ok I know this is my third post..but it was a long night last night.

Even tho I want to start LIVING, I am so very blessed.  I complain, yes sometimes too much, but I am so busy complaining about the thorns, I often miss the roses.

God has blessed me.  He has blessed me by many things most people pray for their whole lives.

I was first of all blessed with a mother and father that brought me up in a home that gave me, respect, morals and love.  They were together when they had me and still together now...39 years!  Even tho things in my home wasn't perfect...it wasn't a broken home.

I was blessed to have 5 siblings that were of my flesh and blood.  I have 6 siblings, yes, but one of them..they are not of me and I will never again claim her as my own.  So I had plenty of kids to play with growing up.

I was blessed with 3 beautiful, and I do mean BEAUTIFUL children.  God entrusted me to these 3 people.  And I feel I must have done something right in my life to be given such a wonderful gift.  I know they are not mine..God is only letting me borrow them for a short time, so I need to make the short time I have, count.

I have been blessed with a marraige people only dream of.  No I may not have a fancy house, with all the furnishings.  I may not have dimond rings on each finger or a wardrobe in every closet...I was blessed with someone that sees who I truely am.  I was blessed with someone that loves me for all of my faults and all of my good.  He is not in love with my clothes, or my body, or my mind...it is my soul that he has loved.  I was blessed with a man that will tell me how beautiful I am even when my hair hasn't been washed.  I was blessed with a man that don't need me to wear make up for him to hug me, a man that runs a bath for me with candles, a man that buys me everything I may say I want.  It may not be today that he buys it, I may not get it for 3 years, but it is the fact that he remembered I wanted it. 

I was blessed with waking in the morning and getting to spend another day with my family.

I blessed to have been hurt so very badly, that I believed my world would crash and burn around....Only to have been blessed to be able to see when things are really really good.

I have been blessed to live in some fantastic places and see so many beautiful sites in my life. 

And, I was blessed to be one of the very few people that can wake up and see God in everything I see.

It's the little things people...no matter how small, no matter what trial you go through...it is a blessing...straight from God.  Don't get so caught up, in this short life, with all the thorns...make sure you see the roses.

B

My Mama

Someone I haven't talked about before on here is my mama.

My mama has had a very hard life.  She grew up in a divided home.  My grand-dad was a wonderful man.  He meant the world to both my mother and I.  I think I was my grand-dad's favorite because I reminded him so much of my mama when she was younger.  He loved her dearly.  My grandma, bless her heart, wasn't a very good mother to her, in her younger days.  Grandma was, what some would call, a free spirit.  She cared more for men in her younger days then her children.  But I do have to say, that she tried to make up for it when my mom got older.  And even tho they weren't that close when she was growing up, they got really close when she grew up.

My mama hasn't had the best life a woman could have.  My daddy, though you all know how much I adore and love this man, didn't make it easy on mama.  We were very poor growing up.  There was 8 of us living in a small 2 bedroom trailer for a long time.  Daddy loved Mama, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't give her all the things she wanted or deserved for that matter. 

Daddy was very strict on us kids, some more then others.  He believed that you have to raise a kid according to their personalities and not raise them all the same.  No that don't sound right, cause we all were raised the same, but he treated each kid to their personalities.  Well because he was strict on some and not others, it caused friction between us all.  And poor mama would be put in the middle of it all.  She would hear all the complaining about daddy and she would try to make up for it.  She would try to baby us.  Comfort us.  And sometimes she would talk to daddy about it, and well that just wouldn't go over too well.

When I was a kid, lets say around 14 or so, I became very disrespectful to my mama.  I would yell at her and talk back.  She never scared me.  Until the age of around 16, my mama gave me the what for and I tell you..I deserved it.  She just couldn't take it anymore and she brought her hand back, and landed it right upside my mouth.  From that day on, my mom became one of my best friends.  Something changed that day.  I seen her through different eyes. 

My mama and I became so close.  She and I was always together.  She couldn't go someplace without me.  When I got married the first time, she was always at my house or I at hers.  And if we weren't together we were on the phone. 

When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter it was by my first husband.  When he kicked me out, I was 8 months pregnant.  My mama was right there for me with arms held out to take me and my baby in.  When I went into labor with my daughter my mom stayed up all night long watching me until it was time to take me to the hospital.  I sit here and cry thinking about how close we were.  I miss my mama.

She later on lost my granddaddy and something in my mama changed.  We were still very close but she just wasn't the same.  Understandably so too.  Her Father was everything to her.  I soon after that got married again, and I left her as well.  Not only me this time...but I took my daughter too.  Mama didn't handle that too well.  She loved my daughter as her own, and she didn't feel she was losing one daughter, it felt like two.  To make matters even worse, she didn't like my husband.  Mama and my husband has had some of the worst arguements.  And this killed me.  I was always, ALWAYS, put in the middle of it all. 

Mama decided she needed to go back to work.  She went to work for Wal-Mart and she loved it.  She, for the first time since I was a small child, finally got to get out of the house and away from it all.  She worked there for 3 years I believe, but my father fell very ill and she had to stop working again.  Mama took this very badly.  Mama changed after working.  She no longer was the mama that I knew.  Some for the bad and some for the good.  She was more independant, more confident, more out spoken...and this is where she and I became not as close as before.

See mama and I haven't talked now for about 4 years.  I mean we have talked, but not REALLY REALLY Talked in about 4 years.  See my husband and my mama got into a huge fight.  Both of them saying things that shouldn't have been said.  I again in the middle try to defend each that I love.  This was a losing fight.  I tried so very hard.  I just couldn't do it anymore...so I let them both go at it.  I felt so far away from both of them...they both became people I didn't know.  I seen sides to both of them that I didn't like.  So I knew that, that would be the last time they saw each other...and I was right.  They have not talked or laid eyes on each other since.

I didn't talk to mama a long time after that.  But she doesn't know that I really never talked to my husband much after that either.  I was mad at both of them.  Because as much as they hated each other..they both still had something in common they loved and meant something to both of them...ME.

During that same year, a lot of stuff happened.  OMG, the mess that was created.  My daughter left home, my husband left home, I was alone with two small children and I felt so totally alone.  My daughter blamed my husband, my husband blamed my mama and it was a total mess.  During this time, some things were said from my mama that, I do forgive now, but I have a hard time forgetting.  She said some not so true things, and one of the biggest things I have a hard time forgetting is she wont tell my child she knows she lied.  Mama will tell me, but she wont tell her.  So my child thinks everyone is backing her up and believes her..which makes me look like the bad guy in my child's eyes.  That hurts me.  I forgive the lies that were told.  Some of the things she don't even remember saying.  But thats ok.  I remember enough for the both of us.  I remember because it was my life that was taken away.  That's my problem...I can't forget. 

So I sit here and type all this because I miss her so.  My mama.  I miss her laugh.  I miss her jokes, I even miss that cowardly lion impression..lol.  But I know, as long as I love my husband, and as long as I can't forget, things will never be as before.  I miss how simple life use to be.  I wish that mama and my husband could love me as much as they hate each other. 

Mama if you happen to read this..please know that it isn't my husband keeping me from you.  It is I that must keep myself away.  I can't be put in the middle any longer.  I love you both, and to see the harm you two do to each other, I can't allow it.  I know you hate him...but mama you never did know what I know about him.  He isn't perfect...God I will be the first to say it...but he isn't the monster you make him out to be.  And I say the same to him.  He don't know you as I know you.  If either of you were monsters, I wouldn't love either of you.  I still to this day defend you to him, as I would defend him to you.  But I can't keep living to defend you two.  He is a good man, or I wouldn't be here.  And know that he did at one time love you as a mother.  I miss and love you..and you will always be my mommy.

B

Have I Lived?

Laying in bed last night while the rest of the free world was watching the Royal Wedding, I was thinking of my life.  Thinking of things I have done and haven't, the things I have said and things I should have.  It got me wondering...Have I lived my life, or merely survived it?

I started to think about the places I have been.  I have lived in a lot of different places in the last 15 years of my life.  There was Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, back to Ohio, Alabama, Back to Ohio, several Towns in Ohio, Florida, now Georgia.  That is a lot of moving around.  I have owned a few homes and sold them to move on to the next place.  I have rented a fair share as well.  In all of my travels I haven't been able to settle down.  Why?  I have no clue.  I love the adventures my life has taken me on.  I get bored easily and to be able to just pack up and leave it all behind when I want a fresh start is something of enjoyment to me.  I know a lot of people do not understand this type of behavior, but I am not asking anyone to understand it.  I met friends, and I have left them, I have had jobs, and left them, I have even had my share of some decent money and left it.  So why do I get so bored? 

The picking up and moving to a fresh start is something that thrills me.  I mean, it feels as though it is the only thing I have left that will ever have that new feel to it.  I am with my spouse of 15 years, a man that I love so dearly, so I will never again feel the newness, that feeling of what it is like to start a new relationship.  The feeling of walking around on a cloud.  Don't get me wrong, I still feel the weakness in my knees when my husband kisses me...but sometimes...I just wish I could find that look in his eyes..that look he had when we first met. 

I will never again feel the newness of a baby in my arms, and looking into it's eyes and making new promises that I will always be there for it.  The excitement that comes with being with child.  The glow, the amazement, the feelings.

So the newness of moving is something I can control.  I have forgotten where I was going with this...lol.  I get to thinking and my mind fly's away at a speed of 150mph or more.

Life, bored..Ok...back on track now.  Part of me feels I am trying to find life.  I am looking for that one place that I can actually Live...instead of surviving.

I have only been on one two vacations with my family.  Yeah, I know, moving as much as we do that is a vacation in itself..but it's not the same thing.  One of those vacations was to Buena Vista, Colorado.  Did I enjoy the trip?  I did, I enjoyed looking at the huge mountains, that at the time I have never seen before and seeing all the amazing sights...but still...we didn't actually get to live it up there.  It was a business trip and not a pleasure trip.  I had two babies in the back seat..who were very good, I must say..but we didn't get to go rafting or hiking or eat at fantastic restaurants.  No, it was a hotel and senic view.

The other was to Canada.  Now, this was so very much fun for me.  My husband and I went for our 7th year anniversary weekend.  My husband took me on a huge ship that took us to a little island, we like to call Our Island, called PeLee Island.

This was a beautiful little place, yes there is a but... But when we went, it was freezing that day.  The wind felt like knives cutting threw us.  We decided that since it was just a little tourest island, we would not take our car over on the ship.  We would rent a bike or something.  On the main island it was not freezing, so we took no coats, no gloves, no nothing.  So we get there and the bike place was closed because it was so cold.  We called for a taxi, but the price was like $18.00 per head, but since it was a bus and not a taxi, the price was going to increase if others didn't want to join us.  So, we got to nothing.  The vineyard was closed.  So we sat inside a little restaurant as long as we could, and then out by the water....4 hours..to wait until the ship came back for us.  But, although it was a desaster...I loved spending the time alone in a new place with my husband.

So that's it.  Those are the only two.  I also look at living in Florida for a year was sort of like a vacation, but it was still too much surviving to really enjoy all that Flordia had to offer.  But, I did get to see the Dolphins that I so dearly love and the ocean for the first time at age 37. 

But I now want to live my life.  I want to have beautiful, fun vacations with my children.  I want to own a home that my kids and grandkids can come to on Christmas.  I want to make traditions.  I want nice things.  I want to get to know my neighbors and make friends that I have long into my old age.  I want to go to a Honky Tonk and let my hair down and dance all night long.  I want to be so busy during my day that I collapse from all the fun I have had.  I want to go skating!  I want to go on a senic drive because I want to..not because it is the only thing we can afford.  I want to travel.  I wanna go to a weekend concert. I want to take a cooking class.  I want to bake huge cakes.  I wanna fly in an airplane.  I WANT TO LIVE DAMN IT!  I don't want to be comfortable anymore.  Comfortable is nice, yes, but I want it when I have had just too much of the world!!!!

Have I lived...no.  I have only survived.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hating Country Music

Today's country music SUCKS!  They have begun to let anyone in the country music profession and they have ruined it for me.

First let's start with little miss Taylor Swift.  Can someone please give me a break with this girl.  Little Miss Can't sing live, about kitties and rainbows, hating country music herself.  I mean this girl can not sing a lick live.  If it wasn't for all the editing done in the studio she would laughed off the shelves.  She hates country music and wants to be a pop star.  It is a sad sad day when Taylor Swift beats out all the great country music singers like Reba, Martina and others just because kids are running the votes.  Sad.  And by the way, if that girl don't stop flipping her head around, by the time she hits 25 she is going to whiplash!

Kid Rock...seriously.  This is what I mean by letting anyone in.  Don't get me wrong, I like Kid. But not as a country music singer.  I like his music, Picture, All Summer Long.  But I just don't get how they can let him in the country world.  Oh yeah, Hank Jr...that's why.

Darius Rucker...ok love love love this man's voice....WHEN HE WAS HOOTIE!  Even tho I like to sing along with his songs, "It wont be like this for long" or "Alright" but I just don't buy it.

What happened to the good ole' beer drinking, tear jerking country we older ones have grown up with.  What happened to having to pay your dues to be on the Grand Ole' Opry.  Look how long it took Elvis to get to play on that stage.  I just don't get it.  When did country music become more about looks then real singing?  How does a girl win a reality show and less then a year later win Entertainer of the Year?  Seriously?

I have lost my passion for country music.  I am not old, nor am I young one...but I grew up listening to good ole' George Jones, Merle Haggard, Conway Twitty, Don Williams, George Strait and Garth Brooks...which is another thing...

I believe that is where it all started going wrong.  When Garth Brooks concerts became more of a carnival then a concert.  What is so wrong with just getting on the stage and singing what everyone loves...why you gotta go jumping on ropes and slinging water all over everybody?  Just sing....JUST SING! 

And if you are going announce you are going to retire...then retire...Brooks and Dunn, Alabama, Garth Brooks...all retiring.  Ok Alabama announced years before they actually retired.  Brooks and Dunn announced theirs about 2 or three years before hand...and now Garth Brooks retired...and now coming back.  Nah man...just stay gone.  Don't bring that crazy stuff back to country...they need real music and singers...not more clowns.

When Garth started out...oh man could he sing.  He was so beautiful to watch, specially when he did "The Dance".  I went and seen him in concert when he did tour with The Judds for the Farewell concert.  I have to admit...I bawled like a two year old baby when he walked out on stage.  I loved him so much.  And he just came out and sang his heart out.  That's it...just sang, and it was awesome!  Then he became this clown, selling tickets to a circus, cheated  on his wife with Trisha Yearwood and retired...just stay gone man.

All I am trying to get at is, bring back the heart felt music.  Music today isn't sung from the heart anymore, it is sung and see who can have the best dance, stage display or biggest fan base.  That's not what it is about.  It is about the music..nothing more. 

May I recommend some artist for you to listen to.  The ones listed here sing...I mean really sing, from the heart.
Sugarland...that girl can sing her little heart out.
Reba...of course..we all know that woman can sing a tune like nobody else.
Martina McBride...She really has come a long way.  She makes me cry sometimes listening to her.
Geroge Strait...that man could make a fart sound good..lol.
Zac Brown Band...these guys are fairly new to country and they can really sing.  They can be silly at times but when he sings...he sings it well! Not to mention...he is from right here in Dahlonega, Ga...yes he is!
Brad Pasley...ok..he don't do too well live, but he sings from the heart and loves what he does.
Alison Krauss...beautiful, beautiful voice.  Very unique and nobody else has her voice or style.
And some oldies for ya, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Tanya Tucker, George Jones, Conway Twitty, just to name very few.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Hurt...

I heard something today from someone.  This someone I hold very dear to me.  What he said, I will forever hear in my head.  He said, I don't lead my children by example.  He has hurt me.  I am not angry.  Simply hurt.  How could he say such a thing to me.  To me, of all people.  I am a woman that has been with her children every second of every day of their life, besides school.  I punish them, I hug them, I lecture them, I nurture them.  These children that I have gave up my life for, to be at home with them.  These children that do have their share of issues, normal issues.  These children that are so polite to other people, these children that wear their hearts on their sleeves.  They are well mannered, healthy, kind, generous and loving.  These are the children that I helped mold.  No, mostly molded.  How dare he hurt me like this.  How dare he put those words in my head. 

(My beautiful daughter Beth..who has issues but all in all is a good girl)
 (My sweet beautiful Madison...who is the closest thing to perfect I know)
(My son Mitch..who is so handsome..who has issues but is so very loving and kind)

I grew up believing that people say things in anger.  And even though they are said out of anger, there is always a bit of truth behind them all.  I also know that people say things they can never take back.  He says he is sorry.  In a way I know he is, but he said it.  It is out there.  And he has planted that seed in my head.  I have begun to doubt my every move with my children.  Have a failed them in some way?  I don't claim to be a perfect parent, and Lord knows I have my faults, but I have only doubted my parenting skills one time in my whole life.  And just when I start to get over it, one group of words from someone you love, can make them all come flooding back. 

I say to those of you listening, be careful of what you say to loved ones out of anger.  Be angry about what it is you became angry for, and never meld into the problem with something that has been on your mind for awhile.  Instead if there is something that you feel you must say to someone, something they may not like, don't say it in anger.  Sit them down, talk with them about your feelings or concerns, before they come out in words that are hateful.  They hurt so badly. 

I don't even know if he truly understands what he has done.  And I will forgive him, in time.  But I will never be able to forget.  I have been hurt so much, mentally and physically my entire life.  But to be hurt by someone you love so very much, it's different.  It is a pain that isn't any different them someone punching you in the heart. 

So...I smoked today.  Guess the new ritual wont start for a couple of days.  Not until I can go on and pretend like nothing happened....once more.

B

Sunday, April 3, 2011

New Ritual

Good evening everyone.  I am laying here in bed and not feeling 100%.  I have been laying here thinking.  It is time...time to go on a feel good ritual.  I refuse to call it a diet.  That word makes me cringe.  Not when others call it a diet, I just can't.  My friend is not really on a strict diet but she has been stuggling with her weight and she is doing really well.  She has lost 9 pounds and I am so very proud of her.  Now I am really needing to feel good about myself as well.  Even to lose a little weight will make me happy.  So starting tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I am going on a crash ritual.  When I say crash I don't mean I am going to stop eating, but crash as I am stopping several things at once.  And I am going to try my best to stick with it.  My health is not at it's best right now and I need to get my health back.

I am a smoker.  I have tried to stop a couple of months ago and it didn't work.  I am also a heavy soda drinker.  In all honesty I know this is where a lot of my weight problems come from.  So it is my vow to myself, right here and now, I will see this through.

I have ordered an E-cig that should be here in the next couple of days or so, I have replaced my regular coke with Coke Zero, and no meat, only grains, fruits and veggies.  No sugar, no whites!  I will also be walking every day, and doing my Wii Fit Plus daily. 

I will do a weigh in of myself tomorrow and do my beginning weight and then at the end of one month, I will do an end weigh in.  Now, I will not tell you the numbers, but I will tell you the weight difference.  Even it is a plus and not a negative difference.

To all my friends that may read this, please give me some strength and encouragement.  I need so badly to do this.  It is going to be really hard, probably ONE of the hardest things I have done, specially as of lately.  I need to do this because my lungs are starting to hurt.  I have a cough that wont seem to go away and honestly I am just sick to death of it.  I have laid in my bed for two days because I am feeling so bad.  Even if I don't lose weight, I need to stop smoking.  That is my main goal.  I HAVE TO STOP! 

So, I will write every once in a while about my progress but NO NUMBERS until the end.  But any and all encouragement is welcomed.  Please..lol.

B

Friday, April 1, 2011

An Old College Paper

When I was in college I had to do a paper on The Death Penalty, Right or Wrong.  I just wanted to share.  Read at your own discretion.  It might make you mad or you may agree.


Still in the twenty-first century, most US citizens find having the government execute criminals to be an acceptable punishment, whether morally, ethically or spiritually correct.  When someone kills in cold-blood are they not sent away and punished for it, by being put in prisons and in some cases put to death.  If they are being punished by execution then why can the government get away with cold-blooded killing?  Is it not killing as well?  Capital punishment is a way of killing a problem, not fixing it.  I believe that all forms of execution are wrong.  capital punishment should be done away with and not used as a form of punishment.

In 1974 James Adams of Florida was convicted of first-degree murder, sentenced to death, and executed in 1984.  Witnesses located Adams' car at the time of the crime at the home of the victim.  Some of the victim's jewelry was found in the car trunk.  Adams maintained his innocence, claiming that he had loaned the car to his girlfriend.  A witness identified Adams as driving the car away from the victim's home shortly after the crime.  This  witness, however, was driving a large truck in the direction opposite to that of Adams' car, and probably could not have had a good look at the driver.  It was later discovered that this witness was angry with Adams for allegedly dating his wife.  A day after the crime a second witness heard a woman's voice inside the victim's home at the time of the crime and saw someone fleeing.  The fleeing person was positively not Adams.  More importantly, a hair sample found clutched in the victim's hand, which in all likelihood had come from the assailant, did not match Adams' hair.  Much of this exculpatory information was not discovered until a skilled investigator, a month before Adams' execution, examined the case. Governor Graham of Florida, however, refused to grant even a short stay so that these questions could be resolved.  A presumed innocent young James Adams was electrocuted in May of 1984.

Let me put some statistics into your head just to give you an idea of the way things are right now in this country.  Currently, there are thirty-six states that retain the death penalty.  Twenty-seven states use lethal injection, twelve use the electric chair, seven use the gas chamber, four still use the technique of hanging, and Utah still uses the firing squad, though only used once.  In Arkansas, you can be as young as fourteen to be put onto death row, in Oregon you have to be at least eighteen.  Texas clearly had led the way in executions since the Gregg decision, executing nineteen people in 1995 for a total of four hundred and eleven since 1976.  Florida's rate of execution is increasing at a rapid rate, with thirty-three executions in 1995.  According to a Gallup poll in 1995, seventy-seven percent favor the death penalty as a punishment for murder.  But if they are given the option of life imprisonment with no possiblility of parole, the things change a bit.  Only fifty percent would take the death penalty, while thirty-two would take the life imprisonment.  The funny thing is that the more education you have, the less likely you are to support the death penalty.  Thirty-seven percent of people surveyed who had post graduate education favored the death penalty as opposed to fifty percent of the people who had no college education who favored it.  Now that you have a basis to work off of, we can now get into the real argument in this essay.

I think we can all agree that killing someone, when it is not in self defense, is wrong.  It is so absolutely wrong that there is no crime worse than this.  it should get the ultimate penalty.  we, therefore, want a society in which nobody ever thinks that cold-blooded killing is the thing to do.  We don't ever want someone to decide that they can kill another person because he deserves to die.

But what is the death penalty?  It is a calculated, premeditated murder.  Sure, they have a reason for it.  A good reason, it says in the Ohio Criminal Code Handbook, but so does, as far as he is concerned, the jealous lover who comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man, or vice-versa.  At that moment, do we want to deep grained patterns of thought, learned by his exposure to society and justice, to be one which says, "all killing is wrong", or do we want it to be, "sometimes people deserve to die"?  The death penalty definitely ingrains the second, that, "somtimes people deserve to die."  The net result is one less life.  The fact that is the government taking the life is meaningless.  Let's be real here, the people most likely to support the death penalty are the people who believe that government officcials have better judgment than most Americans do.  however, if they can't decide what to do with your taxes better than any random individual, why should they be able to decide who should be killed in cold-blood?

For members of society who are pro death and want to keep death as a penalty, deterrent effects are one of their primary arguments.  But, historically, there is no conclusive evidence that the death penalty deters a criminal from their act of violence.  Let me re-emphasize the conclusive evidence.  There have been studies, but they were so full of holes they are completely disregarded by any modern student of the death penalty.  There have been deterrent theories.  Like the theory of the former Governor of New York, George Pataki, stated by bringing back the death penalty in his state, he has taken the fear out of the minds of the people and put it in the criminal's where it belongs.  But is this really valid?  How is he to prove that criminals are rational enough to think things through before they do it?  The only thing that we have in common with criminals is the fact that we are both humans.  other than that, we do not think nearly along the same lines.  He also says to have crafted the death penalty in the state to only include the most inhuman murderers are eligible.  Fantastic, an elected politician, non-schooled in criminal law presumes to write laws governing behavioral punishment.  It is all for votes.  he took the title of Governor, and would like to keep it and this is written so that it appeals to New York readers.  He uses phrases like, honest, hard working people share my vision for a safer New York.  These are just vote getters.  Regardless of his true feelings about the death penalty, he is going to support it fully if it will win him fifty-two percent of the votes.  Thus, becoming a follower rather than a leader.  

In another instance, George Bush claimed during his 1988 presidential compaign that he was strongly for the death penalty.  Regardless if he was or was not, he would still win more votes because the majority supported it.  As if jumping off a bridge, Bill Clinton went back to Arkansas during his 1992 presidential run to witness an execution and reaffirm that he was hard on crime.  Whatever they can do to finagle votes, they are going to do.  Steven Goldberg, the Director of Sociology in New York, also had a theory on the death penalty as a deterrent.  He brings about many myths, in an article in the National Review, that abolitionist use in their fight against the death penalty.  One myth he addresses is, "Since many murders result from emotional impulse, the death penalty would have only the slightest deterrent effect on them."  His claim is death instills a psychological resistance to the act.  Abolitionists continue to say that it is only the legislators who calculate the deterrent effects and potential murderers simply act.  Goldberg states that the deterrent effect of the death penalty, if there is one, acts on them.  If it acts with sufficient strength, it prevents their becoming murderers.  Just ask the confessed murderers if they thought of their own death, before committing a capital crime.  I still don't believe that the death penalty acts as that much of a dedeterrent.  But there is nothing that can shut a person up quicker than plain, hard facts.  According to the Death Penalty Information Center, a non-profit organization serving the media and the public with analysis and information on issues concerning capital punishment, since the death penalty was reinstated in 1976, the executions per year have gone up, but the murder rate per one hundred thousand.  It is also shown that death penalty states often have a higher murder rate than their non-death penalty neighbors.  Iowa, for example, has less than two murders per one hundred thousand people, while it is pro death and neighbor, Missouri, has a murder rate of nine per one hundred thousand.   It is also shown that in some states the murder rate increases more during execution years then non-execution years.  According to these facts there is no deterrent value in the death penalty.  (there was graphs here, but I am not going to scan them and put them on here.)

What about the save the taxpayers money argument?  I saved this for last because most people already know that it is nonsense.  "Death penalty is not now, nor has it ever been, a more economical alternative to life imprisonment.", says Spangenberg and Walsh in an article in the Loyola of Los Angeles Law Review.  A study by the New York State Defenders Association showed that the cost of a capital trial alone, is more than double the cost of life imprisonment.  In Maryland, a comparison of capital trial costs, with and without the death penalty for the years 1979-1984, "approximately forty-two percent more than a case resulting in a non-death sentence," according to the US Government Accounting Office.  In 1988 and 1989 the Kansas legislature voted against reinstating the death penalty after it was informed that reintroduction would involve a first year cost of more than eleven million dollars.  And the Miami Herald reported that Florida, with one of the nation's largest death rows, has estimated that the true cost of each execution is approximately three point two million dollars, or approximately six times the cost of a life imrpisonment sentence.  it costs more because of lengthy appeals process, for the government to kill someone than to keep him or her in prison for life.  And as recent events have proven, even the lengthy appeals process does not  prevent wrongful death of the innocent, which was the spirit or the original intent of Constitutional Law.  And, unless you want to risk being wrongfully killed, appeals are necessary.

If a society is going to empower a government to kill human beings as punishment for crimes against that society, then absolute guilt must be papramount, not a preponderance of evidence.  The truest death penalty society would need the following to prove absolute guilt and must be established through:

  •  Absolute and impeccable due process of law.
  • Absolute and angelic character of jury, judges and witnesses.
  • Absolute unforgiving and presumed superiority of the governing body and its constituents.
  • Absolute true respresentation of the pspulace.
  • Absolute disregard for the sanctity of life.
Remember that anyone, no matter how innocent and good we are, can get wrongfully convicted of murder, just because of bad circumstances.  In 1999, hundreds of people, who were imprisoned because they were convicted of murder, were found to have actually been innocent every year.  Some of them were not ccareer criminials before they were accused either, but were people like you and me.  I am sure, though the establishment usually stays rather quiet about these mistakes.  More than one instance of a convicted murderer being cleared solely because of recent technology, DNA evidence, for example, showed it to be impossible for him or her to have committed the murder.  In fact, you probably heard about the Republican Governor of Illinois suspending all executions because sixteen, so called, murderers on Death Row were recently found to be innocent solely because of new DNA technology.  Technology, which only saves the innocent people, if, certain kinds of clues were left.  That means all normal methods had failed, and sisteen innocent people, who could have been you, were all going to be, and I use this word carefully, murdered by the Illinois government.  A government with a pretty good record of taking care in these matters, compared to other states.  Imagine, how many people have been wrongfully executed, murdered, by the states, or the Federal Government.  Presidential candidate, George W. Bush, of Texas, alone had killed over a hundred men and women in just the last six years.  How many of them were actually innocent?  Imagine how many innocent men are on death row where DNA evidence didn't happen to be found.  So we must be as careful as possible, and take all of the effort and time necessary, before allowing our government to kill someone, even if we are going to allow the death penalty in the first place.

although I am a Christian and not a death penalties advocate, I am coninually surprised at how many people are both.  I find capital punishment to be completely inconsistent with Christian belief.  How many people point to the passage in Leviticus, which states that, an eye for an eye is God's decree?  However, Jesus Christ over turns this decree.  Matthew 5:38-41 says, "you have heard that it was said, 'An eye for aneye and a tooth for a tooth.' but I say to you, do not resist an evildoer.  but if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile."  Matthew 5:43-44 says, "You heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemies.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..."  Remember, when Jesus came upon the crowd stoning a prostitute, he told them, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."  Christ taught a doctrine of peace, love and forgiveness, not revenge, retribution and death.

So the fight continues.  it is tempting to view it in terms of black vs. white, the good vs. evil.  More accurately, it is the enlightened vs. the deceived.  If the American people knew the truth about capital punishment, and that it is expensive, ineffective and kills innocent people, they would no doubt demand its removal.  But sadly, the masses are horribly uninformed, despite the best efforts of such groups as Amnesty International.  But there are other ways to help.  write your Congressman, or write to President Obama at this email address, feedback@www.whitehouse.gov.  Make sure they know your opinion.  Join groups like Amnesty International and The Friends Coalition against the Death Penalty.  And above all, tell your friends.  When you hear someone expounding an untruth about capital punishment, correct him or her.  Make sure everyone knows the facts.  Ignorance may be bliss, but it is also dangerous.